The Doctor on: June(July?) 8th

Well, I havent posted anything here in about six months. Whoops. Here's the update. Im a semester through my first year at BYU and everything has gone fantastically. I am no longer with Hermione, and havent been since mid August- we went to different colleges. Since September 19th, however, I have a new girlfriend; I think she will go by the name Tigerlily. She is a bright, intelligent Chemical Engineering major who has been one of my best friends for years. She has auburn hair, golden eyes, and a beautiful smile. Despite what she seems to think sometimes, she is extremely attractive. She loves to bake, so whenever I go over to her place I get pie, or cookies, or apple crumble. She is very strong willed, and a very capable person. She is used to having to walk all over her men, and she seems to like not having to with me. Ive gotten her hooked on football, and even though she regrets it sometimes, even comes to games with me. Her name actually came from a role she played; She was, in high school, an avid Thespian, who, despite a pale complexion, seemed to get to play every possible minority lead; from a native american to a pacific islander. She also sings and is wonderful with a piano. Tigerlily is a fantastic friend and a wonderful girlfriend.

Other aspects of my life: Belle is at the same school as me, which is tons of fun. She is a bit temperamental, but that is not at all surprising. My oldest brother just got his mission call; Ventura California. other than that, it is just business as usual.

The Doctor on: No-life Neschiems

A fan has recently informed me that I have not updated in a while. Why, you ask, have I kept my genius to myself these last weeks? I, the Doctor, Have a job! What do I do? Do I save lifes? Explore uncharted territory? Fight Nazis? No. unless by life you mean carpets, uncharted territory you mean boulder, and Nazis you mean dirt. I clean carpets. I take a long piece of metal ( the wands) and shoot crazy hot water everywhere. If you ask nicely I will show you my burns, bruises, scrapes, and other assorted injuries.

It is quite the job. the hours are.... decent (roughly sixty a week) the pay is... meager (but better than expected) and the company is... special (they are all pretty cool, but I have yet to figure out their quirks). I dissed one guy's football team, and now he stares my down when I walk by. One trainer took a power nap while I worked. I almost had a van blow up on me. One worker looks suspiciously like the teacher at my old school (did I mention that I GRADUATED!!!!!!) who just got two life sentences for 'messing around' with some of the female students. The guy I work the most with is the same age as my dad. Three other mormons work there, but I never see them because we are all assistants who work with one trainer each. Today we stretched carpet for seven hours, but tomorrow we may clean up after a flood, or an exploded schnauzer.

Also, this is a goodbye to Belle, who has practically left this hemisphere. You will be missed. 

The Doctor on: Hermione

Recently another important player in my life has been introduced. A girl I have mentioned a few times now has been given a name- Hermione. She is a beautiful girl with a bright smile and a wonderful personality.
 The name Hermione alludes to the fact that she is, in a word, brilliant. She is a total genius, but doesn't lord it over you the way most geniuses do. She isn't mormon, but her standards are so high above most mormons that no one could complain.
I secretly believe that she traded all of her HGH for endorphins. at 5'3'', she is a bit below average height, and supposedly can be mistaken for a 12 year old girl (I don't see it) but she is the happiest person in the world. Her smile is the first thing people notice, and everyone loves her for it.
She is the captain of my schools colorguard team, acts, and plays the flute. She is smart and happy. But of course, that isn't enough for her. She is dang cute, too- Thin, althletic, long brown hair.

So, here we come to the part where I explain exactly why she is becoming important. So I totally had a thing for her freshman year. And sophomore year. Junior year I was in a relationship with a girl I liked so much I didnt even notice other girls. On the one year anniversary of my breakup with that girl, I asked Hermione on a double date. nothing earthshattering- ice cream, a movie, ect. Turns out she kinda liked me, too, a fact that I was very pleased to hear. Her friends learned of the date, and they kinda blew it out of proportion. pretty soon I'm learning about all sorts of things that happened on that date that I didnt even know about! So, in all of their minds, we are now boyfriend/girlfriend. I've stopped correcting them- its not nearly something quite so boring as to be official. But as I said, im definitely not complaining. And as far as I know, neither is she. Who knows what the future brings?

The Doctor on: Liffe as wee knoe et.

In a week and a half I will be forced to become a contributing member of society. I will graduate, get a job, and become all around boring. Thing is, though, I'm ready. I have had 13 years of public schooling, 17 years of family life, and it's time for a change. Hey, BYU is going to be a real party!

In another note, Word travels really fast in the theater department at my school. Get seen walking around holding hands with one girl and the whole world knows within hours... not that I think its a bad thing, but its definitely interesting...

The Doctor On: Doctor Popular

Ladies be crazy. Recently, they have become even more crazy than normal. For some reason unbeknown to man, they all have terrible timing at everything. Now, they all have terrible timing at the same time. Before this last Christmas, I had one girl ever inform me that she had feelings for me that surpassed the standard "hey look, there is a person". That girl, still my favorite person, required two years of work on my part to 'see the light'.

Now, apparently I have a spotlight on my head. Girls are getting light-blinded left and right with absolutely no effort from me- I have had eight girls inform me that they "Like like" me, one group call me a "lust object", a freshman fan following, and two girls who are actively pursuing a relationship (one of which is not counted in that eight, yet). I have been informed that I am "really cute", and a friend of mine told me that my manliness surprised her today.

So here I present my question: What the heck??? I mean, seriously? For years I have dreamed of having attractive young women bowing at my feet... but I will tell ya, it's not all that it's cracked up to be. I am not exactly a heart breaker. And everyone I know is absolutely loving my pain.

So what is wrong with them? Must be something in the water.
Applicable song of the day? Take It Easy, by the Eagles.

The Doctor On: The Importance of Being Belle

Being the most prominent non-family member of my blog, I figure that I should give you all a little background about Belle. She was born in a little log cabin in eastern Illinois in 1806.  No. Actually, she is my age- although im not quite sure whether she was born in Maryland or not... Prolly better check on that. Anyway, I met her when I moved to Colorado at the ripe old age of 13. We hit it off famously- she hated me, and I simply didn't bother learning who she was.

My first serious memory of the girl was from early freshman year- a friend of mine had obtained a photo of her and was singing her praises to heaven during lunch. I decided that I needed to meet this girl. Well, eventually I got her to at least talk to me. The miracle that is facebook made it able for me to show her my charm from a distance until she stopped trying to strangle me.

 She is now one of my best friends, and one of the greatest people I have ever met. She has fabulous taste in pretty much everything- Harry Potter, Shakespeare, and a number of other books. Her taste in music has something to be desired- it's all modern girly stuff. But I've forgiven her for that. She has a hilarious sense of humor, and always keeps me smiling.

The name came straight from The Beauty and the beast- She is a drop-dead gorgeous brunette with a penchant for good books, stimulating conversation, and strange men. Practically every guy she has ever been romantically attracted to has been a "beast" in some way- totally loveable, great people, but labeled as different. One of the best things about her is her ability to see past the obvious and love the person for who they are. She has no idea that she is so attractive- she firmly believes that her looks are sub-par and she will end up as an old maid. I doubt that she will make it past freshman year without a ring on her finger (she HATES jewelry, but *may* make an exception for a wedding ring.)

Belle is a great person, who puts up with more from me than I really deserve. I hope that everyone can have a friend like Belle- or at least one half as good. With a friend like her, you could do anything.

The Doctor on: Telephone Therapy?

Everyone has played the Telephone game-  A person starts out with a phrase. They whisper that phrase into someone's ear, who whispers it to the next person. Eventually, the original phrase gets altered and the final phrase sounds nothing like the original.  This happens in life all the time- advice is given, advice is processed, advice is translated, and it is passed on in a different form. The result is passed back to the original person.

I'm kinda getting to see something of this.Someone I know is having troubles- Dean, my friend Belle's (now)ex.. The problem is that it is none of my business- Dean not only doesn't know me well, but also dislikes me. Why? He has his reasons. Not important.  Anyway, he isn't really a friend- just a friend of a friend. So why do I care? Belle does. It is basically all she thinks about these days- we haven't had a conversation in weeks that hasn't mentioned Dean at least once. She is seriously worried about this guy. that means the worry passes to me.

So how do I help? That's a good question. I would love to be able to answer it. I am the kind of person that hates watching people I like have troubles, so I try my best to fix them. But in this case, there is absolutely nothing I can do. And things have progressed to the point where she can't do anything either- not that that has stopped her from trying. I'm sure that she sometimes thinks that I don't care, or that she is the only one who is worried about the poor guy, but that isn't true. I am suffering over this almost as much as she is- but I am even more helpless. So for once the doctor is asking for advice- if you can think of a way I can help, a way to fix things, let me know. My receptionist will give you your Nobel Peace Prize and send you on your way.

The Doctor on: Why Everyone Should Have a Dog (alt. Why Dogs Are Better than Girlfriends)

Over the course of my life, I have owned several dogs- Blue, Aiden, Mosby, Poppy, and I'm assuming at least one other that I can't remember off the top of my head. Dogs are awesome, and my purpose here is to tell you why.
1. You don't have to remember their birthdays. I'm pretty certain we have only celebrated one or two of Moe's birthdays, and he really doesn't care.
2. Clothes? Cheapest things around. Unless you are a slightly obsessed owner, doggie clothes shouldn't cost much at all- just a collar, maybe a bandanna (for when they want to look fancy), and a sweater for the little ones. They never ask for more than that, and they are happy with whatever they have.
3.Food. Dogs love their food. They can eat the same thing every meal of  every day and not complain. Sure, they love your food, too, and things that really should be food, but a bag of puppy chow is all they really need.
4. They don't hold grudges. Once a dog loves you, it always will. You can do whatever you want, and it will still be happy to see you. Unconditional love- nice, eh?
5. Exercise. Depending on the dog you get, you will be forced to go on walks and such. That is good for you, especially those of us who really don't do that enough on our own.
6. Dogs cure depression. Studies have shown that petting a dog releases the same hormones as the ones released by spending time with your own child. You both get really happy, and a ton of stress is released.
7. You get your own portable heating pad. There is nothing better to do on a cold night than have a nice warm puppy dog curled up against you. trust me- you get a hot pad and a pillow, all at once.
8. Protection. Now, this doesn't fit for all dogs, but many can make pretty good watchdogs. They protect your house and scare away creepy, stupid stuff. It works.

9. They know when you are sick, and act accordingly. Whenever I an sick, my little dog, Poppy, Jumps onto my lap and stays there until im feeling better. She knows it helps, so she does it.
10. They are much better company than most humans. They don't talk back, they don't tell you that you are wrong, and they agree with whatever you say. Go get yourself a dog right now. Go. Run. Get one.

The Doctor on: The End of an Era

Well, This year everything will change. Life will be absolutely so different that I don't know how I will be able to cope. The way I will think will be different, the way I see the world will change, what I do for fun. Yes, the one thing that has controlled the most of my life will end. This year, the final Harry Potter movie will come out. I really don't know what I will do, not having the next movie to wait for. I at least had a distraction when the books ended- I was moving, so I got to be a little distracted. But now? I don't know. I really don't. Oh, and I'm going to college and stuff.

The Doctor on: What sane person knows what happens in the minds of women?

So a very good friend of mine has presented a theory to be tested: girls love boys more than boys love girls. Her evidence? Supposedly, us guys can only think of one thing at a time, whereas girls can think about several things. If that was true, it would explain a lot. The thing is, though, its wrong. The human mind can only consciously focus on one thing at a time. Girls may believe that they can, but they simply have A.D.D- they focus on a huge number of things rapidy, and in succession, but only one at a time. The truth is that guys love the girls more than the girls love the guys. While somewhere in the back of the girls mind the guy may be one of the topics of concentration, how often is it the most important one? the guy is just one of a hundred topics. For guys, on the other hand, everything is the girl he loves. Every song that plays, every sight he sees, and everything he feels. If he truly loves her, then anything that happens reminds him of her. he sees the right color (mmm.... she wore that the day we first kissed) or he hears the right song (This played on the radio when we drove to prom). After a while, she becomes his life. The girl, even when she is with her boy, is trying to concentrate on so many other things that she is never really with him, at least not completely. This is why my friend is wrong- she simply has never loved a guy enough to let him love her that much. She may argue, but I'm right when I need to be.

The Doctor on: The Invisible Man?

The other day I discovered an amazing occurrence: I don't Exist! Having been informed several times now that I "Don't count", I have come to the realization that I must be a figment of my own imagination! It doesn't matter whether I don't count in the "None of the boys like me. Well, except for you, but you don't count" or the "There are no nice football players! Except for you, but you don't count." Or even the "Have you noticed that all the mormon boys are sooooo cute?!?!?! lol??? Well, except for you, you don't count", manners, I don't count.

Obviously, as an imaginary human being, none of my achievements are valid. I am not A football player, Mormon, or even male! My entire personality can be summed up in the word 'Tyler'. There are no descriptions, additions, or add-ons. I am the invisible Tyler. This is actually fairly exciting- I, apparently, can do whatever I want, because none of it counts!  This leaves me  open to do all kinds of non-actions, whether it be not-stealing the Mona Lisa, not-shooting King Kong off of the empire state building, or not-curing cancer. As long as I don't do anything, I can do whatever I want!

The Doctor on: the Doctor and the really strange, very odd, totally weird, fairly funky day

Well, Today was one of the more strange ones. I enjoyed spanish, which was strange. I willingly bore my testimony, which was odd. I got called a "lust object" which was totally weird. It was revealed to me that several girls actually have been attracted to me,  including my freshmen crush, which was fairly funky. such is life, yes?

The Doctor on: Okay, enough already

So its been almost a month since my last post, but I have a decent reason for that. Nothing has happened to me. There is nothing in my life that I can blog about- sorry. In fact, Tons of stuff has happened, but not to me. Everyone around me is living the teenage dream- school trouble, relationship trouble, and general freaking out. I would love to blog about what I've been up to, but truth is that it is none of my business. My whole life has become a whirlwind of guidance counseling and private conversations. It seems that everyone I know is having life trauma at once, and I'm the only one here to pick up the pieces. So basically, don't read my blog. Read the blogs of everyone I know, and that will tell you what I've been up to.

The Doctor On: The Tennessee waltz

Well, I have nothing much to talk about today, so I decided I would cop out and just paste a few things in here. When I was Just a wee little Dr. Scholes, My mamma Doctor would sing me and my big brother (Edgar or Caveman or Bigfoot or whatever I decided to name him) a few lullabies. I thought that I would place my favorites in here.

#1: The Tennessee Waltz
This one is by far my favorite- even if it is the most depressing of the bunch. Look it up if you haven't heard it.

I was dancing, with my darlin', to the Tennessee Waltz, when an old friend I happened to see. Introduced him, to my darlin', and while they were dancing my friend stole my sweetheart from me. I remember the night, of the Tennessee Waltz. Heaven knows how much I have lost. Yes I lost my little darlin', the night they were playing the beautiful Tennessee waltz.

#2: The Sandman
No, this is not the Metallica song. (Although that would be REALLY cool!) I don't know where it came from. I noticed that there are a few changes between the version my mom sang and the original, so here is mine.
Here comes the Sandman, stepping so lightly Creeping along on the own little feet. As he scatters the sand with his own little hand, In the eyes of the sleepy children. Go to sleep my darling (my mom would sometimes replace 'darling' with 'steven and tyler'), close your weary eyes. The lady moon is looking from out the cloudy skies. The little stars are peeping, to see if you are sleeping. Go to sleep, my darling, go to sleep, good night.

#3: The Sloop John B.
This one was actually sung by Papa Scholes, and it is a Beach Boys song, but its still a good one.
We come on the sloop John B, My grandfather and me. Around Nassau Town we did roam. Drinking all night Got into a fight Well I feel so broke up I want to go home.

So hoist up the john b's sail See how the mainsail sets Call for the captain ashore Let me go home, let me go home I wanna go home, yeah yeah Well I feel so broke up I wanna go home

The first mate he got drunk  And broke in the capns trunk The constable had to come and take him away Sheriff john stone Why don't you leave me alone?, yeah yeah Well I feel so broke up I wanna go home


The poor cook he caught the fits  And threw away all my grits And then he took and he ate up all of my corn Let me go home Why don't they let me go home This is the worst trip Ive ever been on.


#4. The paddle song
Yes, its short. seriously short. its made to be sung in a round, over and over again.
Dip, dip and swing them back, flashing like silver. Swift as the wild geese fly, dip, dip and swing.

#5. My little papoose in dreamland
No idea where this song is from, but I love it
My little papoose in dreamland,strapped to the squaw girl's back. Sleeps all day, neither works nor plays, just a sweet little Indian pack. When big chief goes out hunting, where the big black bears are loose, he is waiting for the nighttime, when he sees his little papoose.

Well folks, there ya have it. Dr. Scholes favorite lullabies. Enjoy.

The Doctor on: Awkward...

Recently I was given the assignment to go to flatirons mall and ask people awkward questions, recording their body language and reactions. It was awkward, believe it or not. The people all looked suitably uncomfortable. Of course, their discomfort was nothing compared to mine. It got so bad that my group considered filming me asking the questions, simply because my reactions were even more funny than the random strangers we were talking to. Oh, and you all must know by now, but I have to say it again. I GOT INTO BYU!!!!!

The Doctor on: Patience? I can't wait to learn patience!

A major problem facing young mormons these days is "frickinBYUitis" Basically, BYU has decided to test all of us- they repeatedly postpone the final, glorious day in which some of us get accepted and the vast majority get denied. This is, supposedly, to teach us patience. The theory is that any potential student who has not killed themselves (or their competition) Deserves to be accepted. Good theory, no? the final-final deadline is supposed to be a week from yesterday. lets cross our fingers.

The Doctor On: Procrastination-nation

So..... yeah. Awkward. I haven't posted anything in about two weeks, but I have an excuse- really, I do- that I had other stuff to do. Like homework. And counting my toes. (10, I checked. Twice) The thing is, though, in this day and age procrastination isn't condemned- it is so socially acceptable and common that people don't even care! Infact, these days people are so impressed by sheer adequacy that you don't need to try much harder than that. Sadly, this does not bode well for America- asians, (and those of asian descent) still have a 'work ethic' ( a little known characteristic of certain people- mainly ignored and discouraged these days) which means that China will soon surpass the US of A in the world power rankings.

Dr. Scholes on: MC DR SCHOLES

Well, after what felt like years of planning and running around, the talent show happened tonight. It went far better than I had expected, I learned that my ward actually is very talented, and I only looked a little foolish. But you know the nice thing about MCing a mormon show? everyone loves it, even if you look terrible. It was a great night, and I hope we do it again.

The Doctor on: Tyler and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Congratulations. If you are here, you are one of the lucky few to actually get to see me complain over the internet! Basically, today sucked. You are forced to read why. Lucky you.

First off, at the beginning of the day I had a substitute in my orchestra class. Whoopie, right? No. My slacker fellow cellists decided that playing wasn't their thing, so they all up and left, leaving me to 'solo' Schubert's unfinished symphony.
Second hour, Because of one simple mistake (being one number off on a scantron) I got a 5 out of 30 on a history test- my best subject.
Third hour, my math teacher totally chewed us out for not understanding the homework, when he did a terrible job explaining what we were supposed to be doing.
Fourth hour/Lunch, the microwave was broken.
Fifth and sixth were boring, but not too worse than usual.
Seventh hour was Physics, and it was basically Math #2
I also went to a priest/laurel activity, which are always pretty awesome. Fondue night? Great. Winning (again) at Settlers of Cataan? Wonderful. Watching my best friend (Belle) make goo-goo eyes and randomly leave with her latest man (Dean)? Made for lots of awkward conversation and made the whole night strange. I sincerely apologize to anyone I ever put through that, even though I can tell you I was never that bad.

The Doctor on: Political Correctness

Everywhere you go you have to watch what you say- If you aren't careful, you may offend a small endangered squirrel in West Virginia. It has gotten to the point where it is just laughable- the lengths people go to to be politically savvy make no sense. Everything has become de-genderized, race-less, ageless, and all around boring. Mailman (a DOUBLE male statement) is now "postal worker" and garbageman is now "sanitation engineer". Fur is no longer allowed, and anyone who wears it gets (faux)ostracized from society. We don't want to hurt any ostriches now, do we? Just remember who to blame next time you walk down the street and fall into a Personhole.   

The Doctor on: Writers Block

One of the most fearsome maladies of anybody who regularly has to transmit information to paper is the dreaded writers block- the horrible affliction that attacks all equally, with no regard for age, gender, or social standing. It can hit you anytime, anywhere, and there is nothing you can do to prevent it. I myself have survived a few such attacks, and I can tell you that there is nothing more terrible or hazardous to your long term wellbeing.

The disease starts off innocently enough, with a simple lack of focus. If you suddenly have trouble paying attention, do not be alarmed, it may be something less dangerous, like the 'Daydream Believer' syndrome, or smallpox. Your symptoms quickly move to dizziness and acute hunger (AKA the munchies). You can try to 'walk it off' at this stage, and some have recorded a limited success with this technique. The lights may begin to come out of focus, first being too bright, then being too dim. Try to ignore them. More extreme cases of writers block have experienced short term memory loss, the inability to recover information "on the tip of your tongue" and even severe hallucinations- patients have begun believing that they themselves are anywhere- anywhere at all-, but "here". Soon, powerful headaches emerge.  At this point, your story, thesis, or paper is terminal. It isn't going to be completed, so do not bother trying- you will only hurt yourself and those you love. So please, go do something else. read a book. Do community service. Come back to your work after your rehabilitation, or your malady can and will progress to the "Rushed-deadline-and-stress-induced-sickness-flu".

The Doctor on: The X-Factor

NO. If you read the Title and your first thought was the british singing show, this may not be the blog for you. go read something about Justin Beibers new hair or something. I'm talking about the "X" Factor, the thing that turns a definite loser into a potential victor.

To help you understand what I'm talking about, I'm going to use one of my favorite TV shows. Again, not british singing. The show "deadliest warrior" is a show for all nerdy men who spend to much time with their nose in a history book. The people in the show choose two fairly well matched groups in history and ask "If one fought the other, who would win?" It is usually pretty accurate, they match fighting styles, armor, weapons, and size. The one thing they cannot include, though, is the X Factor, the invisible 'thing' that puts them over the edge. Could be heart- they win because they fight harder, or have more reason to. Could be that they were just raised differently. The X Factor wins nine times out of ten, even if people don't realize it.

By far the most visible version of the X Factor is the "Underdog Effect" the team wins, not because they are better, but because they are worse. They are slated to lose, so they win. No one knows why this works, but it does. In fact, it has become quite unfair.

The Underdog Effect means that the better team, the team that has worked far harder than the other team, will lose. No one likes them, simply because they are superior to their opponent. The whole crowd is on the side of the weaker team. This psychologically helps the underdog, and hurts the... overdog? You see this in all sorts of things- not just sports, but in all factors of life. The guy who "needs it more" gets the job, not the one who deserves it more. The weaker guy gets the girl, mainly out of pity. Support gets thrown to the side that would have a more "romanticized" victory.

I'm not going to lie, I like the underdogs too. Just sayin, it ain't fair.

The Doctor on: Talent(less?) show

Well, I am one of three people in charge of my LDS ward's talent show. Sadly, I am one of... one? People actually really working hard over it, and I'm just the secretary. It's in a week and we aren't even sure what the acts are yet- my quorum has one, but its the biggest cop-out of them all. If you want to see it, come next tuesday night. On top of all that, I'm now MCing the whole thing, so I need to be even more not-funny than usual. This is truly going to be crazy, so if I look a little wide-eyed that's why. The show could be great, and become something my ward does for years to come, or it could be so embarrassing I may never be able to show my face again. At least I'm off to college in a few months... 40ish days till BYU finally 'mans up' enough to tell me if I am in or not. A lifetime. I think I can I think I can....

The Doctor on: Totem Animals

All of the kids in my family have a totem animal, the animal that nearly without fail is our favorite animal. The one that is vastly superior to all other animals, simply because it is ours. Mine, obviously, is the tiger. Biggest cat, best attitude. Bigfoot has a lion- eh, okay. Not bad, but not quite the 'king of the beasts'. Eeyore has a wolf, again, fairly cool. Her Majesty's totem is a polar bear, and the Candy Gremlin has a lynx.

How did our totems come to be? When we were born, our father, who has yet to be given an awesome codename, went looking for them. He picked out a stuffed animal that he felt stood for us, and we have loved them ever since. I have about 30 tiger stuffed animals (don't mock me, it's awesome) and I'm still collecting them. Incidentally, my first tiger (so I've been told, if this is wrong blame my dad) is actually a character from one of the world's greatest movies. The cat's name? Rajah. The movie? Disney's "Aladdin". Since then, I've owned: General Tiger, Super Tiger, Leapy, Pouncer, Shere Kahn,  Stripey, Daniel, Johnathan, Jake, Jake II, Jake III, Jake IV (I think. Ever since reading Animorphs I've wanted to be Jake) Crouchy, and a few dozen other tigers. I will show them to anyone who asks and has lots of free time on their hands, if they promise not to judge me. Most of the tigers were given their names when I was about seven, so the names aren't very intellectually stimulating.
This post is dedicate to Stripey- may he rest in peace.

The Doctor on: An Edgar, by any other name, is just as Cavemanish.

I have now reached my oldest brother, Bigfoot. His name is interchangeable with Caveman, Sasquatch, and Edgar (just like the guy from Men In Black) he answers to all of these, and all in the same way. "uuungh..." or "grunt". He has been mistaken for a 20 year old since he was 12, and he is more hairy than I could ever hope to be. He is just plain massive, and he played football for a number of years so he really knows how to hit. sounds intimidating, huh? He is also the biggest zombie fanatic around; be sure to ask him sometime about his anti-zombie weapon of choice, if you have a spare couple hours.

Turns out he has the biggest heart around, both literally and figuratively. He was my own personal doctor/milkshake maker when I got my wisdom teeth pulled, and he is really just a big teddy bear when you get to know him.  His favorite toy in the whole world is a big bag of pipe cleaners, and he will, without fail, make a hat out of them. Then he crafts intricate elves, dragons, and army men, and then sets them up and writes a story about them. Despite looking and sounding a little like Fezzik (if you don't get the reference you don't deserve to read this) he is easily the most artistic of the Scholes clan. He also cooks the best sugar cookies this side of the Mississippi river. Or the other side, too, actually.

I'm not saying we don't clash a bit, though. For several years he believed that my entire purpose was to make his life miserable. That's okay, though, because I thought the same thing. I don't know if he has forgiven me for being born and stealing his mommy and daddy from him, but I'm fairly certain he has. Which, now that I think about it, is probably more than I deserve after what I've put him through. But, as Bigfoot says, "mmnnnghhh uughh grunt grunt grunt"

The Doctor on: Eeyore

Next up is my younger brother- Eeyore. This dude is my main man. I hate to admit it, but he is my mini-me. Only cooler. He Is a very bright kid, and very much his own person. The first son to seriously try basketball, baseball, gymnastics (Don't laugh. Ever seen the men's gymnastics in the olympics? Intense stuff!) He can act, his Gollum impression is spot on, and he has an amazing memory for songs and lyrics. He hates books, and "wouldn't read so much if the stories weren't so good!"

Why, you ask, is such a precocious child (Ahem. Sorry. Teenager) named Eeyore? He is currently in the moody phase that every teenager goes through. The problem is that he has been in this phase for years now. "Everybody hates me" is his favorite saying, and we are fairly certain he isn't serious.

Because he is so much like me, the dude tries his hardest to forge his own path. he dresses differently, listens to different music, and has recently taken up "Magic: the Gathering" simply because I was once a YUGIOH! fan.  Well, maybe not just because. But I like to give myself credit whenever I can- by the time  he is rich and famous I may have been able to delude myself into believing his success is my fault.His other success I want credit for is his luck with the ladies- even girls five years older than him can't keep their hands off of him. I'm certain that the girls his own age cry themselves to sleep every night over him. But he won't have any of it. Although he loves the attention, he still tries to convince us he thinks girls are icky. But we don't believe him.

He has style, grace, a chipper attitude (when he doesn't have an excuse to be otherwise) and is all around a pretty cool dude. His comment? "Thanks for noticin'"

The Doctor on: In her Majesty's Secret Service

My oldest-but-still-younger-than-me sister, Her Majesty, is a girl of the highest form. Like every girl, she has two sides: the 'you love her to death, she is cute and lovable and wonderful and your favorite person' side, and then the "fire and brimstone, kill you with a glance and enjoy your pain' side that seems to be it's partner's polar opposite. Yes, every girl has these sides, they just sometimes oppress one or the other. but I digress.

Her Majesty has both parts in equality. She runs on hugs, and requires them morning and night to function. On the other hand, as a pre-teen girl she also thrives on the pain of boys older than her, namely her brothers. She sings and dances with birds, then traps one with her paralyzing gaze and cooks it with the heat of her rage. Well, she may not quite be that bad, but her demon side is very vivid.

She is the girliest girl ever to call herself a tomboy. According to her, tomboys can totally play with barbies, wear dresses, and dance ballet. She actually did ballet for a year, along with some gymnastics and several years of soccer. She loves to cook, sing, and smile, and is one of my favorite people. She is my Carebear, and her evil side is just as much fun as her nice one. Here's to you, your Majesty.

The Doctor on: The Candy Gremlin

Because those I like to call "family" are such a major part of my life, it is now necessary for me to explain a little about who they are and how I relate to them.

To start with, my youngest sister "Candy Gremlin". She is the baby of the family. Still trapped in the early years of grade school, still gets all of her older sisters hand-me-downs. Her puppydog eyes can make the harshest person collapse and beg her to let them prove they can be good. One time we were at a bookstore and she found a stuffed animal. A giraffe only about six inches tall, with massive purple eyes. She held it up to her face, and widened her eyes until they were the same size. I never spend money. Not even on myself. She got that giraffe that day. She even gave it a name: "High". (Get it? It's a giraffe... really tall) anyway, imagine the look on my face when she left it in her room and her other sister said "c'mon CG, lets go get High". Yeah, you can laugh. Everyone else has.

Why, you ask, is her name Candy Gremlin? The girl is a sugar addict. You promise she can have more candy 'Tomorrow', she will wake you up at three and say "It's tomorrow!!! Can I have my candy yet?" She is very protective of her candy, and the best way to get on her good side is to give her some.

Just remember- don't feed her after midnight.

The Doctor on: SWEARHOLE!

Its amazing what little kids can come up with. On the way home from a basketball game the other day, me and my sibs were all battling for control of the conversation. My older brother, Bigfoot, was mocking me because of a turnover- a really minor infraction, really- and my youngest sister (Candy-Gremlin) was yelling at the top of her lungs about who knows what. At the same time, my younger-than-me-but-not-the-youngest-sister (Her Majesty) (who is hitting me as I type) was telling us a story about her dealings with her fellow classmates. She informed her rapt audience that she had  trained her friends/followers to behave themselves when she was around. They would watch their language, and not say any swearwords. 'cept she didn't say "Swearwords"... she said "Swearhole". Silence fell. Then my brother and I laughed so hard he almost crashed the car. We are currently attempting to make "Swearhole" the universal euphemism. Says critics: "Shut your swearhole! Any swearhole who uses words like 'swearhole'... ah swearhole. I'm doing it too!" Ow. Her Majesty just punched me in the kidney and is now slapping my head. The things I do for my readers...

The Doctor on: The Randomness of Being Me

One of my favorite things about life is its unpredictability. Sometimes life drags on like a penny western, where you can always tell whats going to happen, but you go through it anyway in the hopes that a new character might show up, or a really decent shootout will happen. But sometimes things start to happen. And they happen all at once. Soon things start moving so quickly that all you can do is find something to grab onto and hold on for dear life. These times, though, are the most fun you will ever have. You won't have time to sleep, and you will get run ragged by your commitments, but you will never feel more alive. Its kinda like football, actually. Things flying around, no ability to focus, you are miserable and you think you are going to die, but as soon as it is done you find yourself missing the days when you had such a purpose. Some people get addicted and start going out of their way to shake things up a little bit, but things usually don't work out so well for them; they get in over their head and rely on everyone around them to keep them afloat. For some of these people, though, they figure out just enough to know where the line is, and then waltz along it, somehow never quite getting too far to one side. These people are the ones who have the most fun in life; the people who are themselves, and who really don't care what other people think. It is hard to do, but shoot for it. Total chaos is bad, but so is total conformity. Stay aware!

The Doctor on: Hufflepuff, whodathunkit?

There comes at time in every nerd's young life when they reach a crossroads. Well, every deserving nerd. the ones that obsess over Twilight have their own crossroads, but it is pretty lame and just comes down to which guy- werewolf or sparklefairy- looks better covered in rain and without a shirt. The truly deserving nerds, though, we have four options. Gryffindor? Ravenclaw? Hufflepuff? or Slytherin?

All these houses have their good points. They all are notable of something or other, and many great wizards have come from each. Selecting the perfect house for you is quite difficult when it comes down to it.

You might belong in Gryffindor, Where dwell the brave at heart, Their daring, nerve, and chivalry
Set Gryffindors apart.
 The most famous, and quite often the most chosen, is Noble Gryffindor. Colors gold and crimson, with a lion mascot. They are all very brave, very chivalrous, and quite daring. Yeah, I took that right from the song. The problem with Gryffindors, though, is that they simply do not think. I'm not calling them stupid, by any means. A better term would be foolhardy. They 'bravely' charge right into battle and forget important details. Like their wands. or their pants. It's quite rare, and the books may not mention one of these specific details, but it has happened. Trust me.

Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw, if you've a ready mind, Where those of wit and learning,
Will always find their kind.
The Ravenclaws are the group that I, for the longest time, thought that I belonged with. Silver and Blue, their mascot is the raven. why, do you ask, would the smartest group of kids have a raven as a symbol, when an owl is the bird that stands for wisdom? a few reasons: 1: The founders name was Ravenclaw. It was too good of a pun to pass up. 2: The owl is so overdone, so stereotypical of magic, that it is overplayed and too predictable. 3: true wisdom does not equal intelligence, so an owl would not fit. 4: (this is by far my favorite) the Norse god Odin had two pet Ravens- Hugin and Munin (meaning 'thought' and 'mind'). These ravens, the 'eyes' of the Norse god of wisdom, have long stood for intelligence. But I digress. The simple issue with the Ravenclaws is that they have dehumanized everything. They are more comfertable with their studies that with other people. "what? a basilik is terrorizing the school? killing people? too bad" versus "WHAT???? THE LIBRARY IS CLOSED FOR A WEEK??? NOOO!!!" Note the multiple exclamation marks- a sure sign of a mind about to snap.

Or perhaps in Slytherin You'll make your real friends, Those cunning folks use any means
To achieve their ends.
Fierce Slytherin, Third of the houses, is another tempting choice. Colors green and silver, they are aptly represented by a serpent. These wizards and witches have true ambition, a desire for power, and means to achieve it. They can be seen as ruthless, because they may step on a few people to get to where they want to be, but at least they try for what they want. Honestly, I would love to be seen as a slytherin- they are the ones voted 'Most Likely to Achieve' and they are great people to attach yourself to if you want a quick ride to the top. The problem is that the paranoia would ruin you! While you plot to stab the whiny blond kid in the back, you have to be aware of all the knives aimed at yours. and the pitfall traps, the "itching powder in the underwear" trick, and all sorts of other devilish terrors. you would go mad within a week.


You might belong in Hufflepuff, Where they are just and loyal, Those patient Hufflepuffs are true
And unafraid of toil.
 In all honesty, I feel most strongly that I belong with the Hufflepuffs. Colors Black and Yellow, these "killer bumblebees" have a badger as a mascot. While other classes shoot for prestige and honor, through conniving, studying, or feats of skill, These Hufflepuffs (what the heck IS a hufflepuff?) gain more happiness from a job well done of the companionship of others. Notice that the prize loyalty over personal gain, and toil over bookwork. My 'brethren' have fallen upon hard times, gaining a reputation for inadequacy, but that is simply because they like people. They accept all kinds, because they value a diverse population, unlike the other houses who pick one specific trait to select from. Anyone would do well in Hufflepuff, not having to fear being looked down upon by their 'superiors'. I am a Hufflepuff.

Didn't Expect that now, didja? If I hadn't given it away in the title, you all would have been floored by this revelation, I know it. Well, stay happy. I'm sure your house is good to. And if you don't like any of them, you could always go to Durmstrang or Beauxbatons.

The Doctor on: Gamertags

I feel that the next thing I should explain about myself is my Gamertag. A Gamertag is a username, one used by  just about every computer nerd out there. It is your signature, more or less, the one thing that distinguishes you from all the other pasty white guys who still tell stories about the one time, where they saw this girl. Yeah, it was cool. Anyway, the idea of a Gamertag is that everywhere you go (virtually speaking, of course) and everything you do (we use this term loosely, there is not much 'doing' when you just sit in front of a screen drooling) has the same name. I, for one, am the great CTRknight. If you see a CTRknight anywhere online, its me. Or some creep who thought it would be cool to steal my name. If you see a CTRknight that is not me, please let me know so I can hunt him down and give him a sound talking to.

The name originated when I was in fifth grade, and I chose it for the game 'Runescape', and the name tells you a lot about me. One, that I am Mormon and quite proud of it (the name has actually set up some missionary opportunities, where people e ask what 'CTR' stands for and I get to beat them over the head with mormon.org) and two, that I was quite the impressionable youth and thought that the romanticized concept of the knights of the round table was fairly awesome.

I feel that this post is a bit lacking, so I will explain one other thing about myself. My goal in this endeavor is to create the illusion that several different people are writing this blog, or at least one person with Multiple Personality Disorder. Over the course of this blog you will see a teenager who thinks he is hilarious, an old grandmother who is just the nicest person and loves everything, a harsh political analyst, a total nerd, and quite possibly a dozen other people. They really are all me, but I am just weird like that. You will, regrettably, have to live with it. Or don't, but I wouldn't suggest it.

The Doctor on: Doctor Scholes

Being what I am, and knowing what I do, it may be prudent for me to impart some of my vast hoards of completely useless knowledge on innocent, undeserving passersby. (Passerbys? Passbyers?) I am a senior in high school, about to embark on what I hope will be the greatest adventure of my young life. This blog is inspired by one of my many late-night paranoias, which made me pull myself out of bed in the wee hours in the morning, find paper and a pencil, and inscribe "WRITE BLOG".

I guess a decent place to start my blog is to explain the name. Reason number one: Having a name like "Scholes" (pronounced 'Skolz') has given me many opportunities to want to seriously injure my classmates over the years. Some people, for the strangest reason, pronounce my name "Scholls" and feel the urge to make jokes about foot inserts, athletes foot, and the like. They always believe they are the first to come up with such a hilarious joke. Guess what? If I hear "Hey Scholes! Are you gellin?" one more time I may just go insane. Still, "Doctor Scholes" as a blog title fits my lame sense of humor quite nicely. (Notice the pun, please.)

Reason number two: Late 2006, right after seeing the "Eragon" movie (If there is a slight chance you havent seen it, please don't. Movies based on books, in nearly every case, just don't live up to expectations) was the first time I was assailed by someone I have never met to help them with something I have no experience with. Dating. Since then I have become the go to guy for teenage girl dating advice. Girls I have never met before hunt me down to ask what to do about their breakup, or about the cute guy in their chem class that almost distracted them to the point of setting themselves on fire. Always, afterward, they tell me how much like a brother or father figure they see me as. Once I was discribed as a "gay best friend who just happened to be straight". Thus, Doctor Scholes often takes the role of Doctor Phil.

Reason number three: Being an avid Doctor Who fan, I really wanted an excuse to refer to myself as "the Doctor". If you have not yet seen the show, please do. I would love to have a sonic screwdriver. Just shows you what kind of mind I have.
(What is a sonic screwdriver? Just follow the link.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BPsk1xbevc

Anywho, that's me in a nutshell. Strange how such a small thing as a name can tell you so much about a person, huh? Stay tuned for more rants at a later time.